When You’ve Changed And They Haven’t

💫 Albania’s Newsletter | Holistika Embodiment

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When You’ve Changed And They Haven’t

Have you ever experienced a time in your life (maybe right now) where you have been committed to changing and moving into a new version of yourself, but the person you care about is not? It’s painful to realize it. I know.

We don’t talk much about this type of loss and how it affects you and your relationship with them.

In this letter, we will talk about:

• The relationship that bonded you and the other person.

• Changes that occur.

• Some reflections to consider to move you into more clarity and actions steps you can take

Let’s dive deep

You probably have been in this situation. You met the person (a friend, partner, colleague, etc.) at a specific time in your life. Something between you clicked. You spend time together and the relationship flourished. Ahh the memories.

Back then your lifestyle, the way you think, your interests, were very different from now.

But as you both grew, things started to change. You changed. Perhaps your beliefs and values changed. You changed careers (jobs) and location.

You might start noticing (or have been noticing) that this person, hasn’t really taken the bold moves you have and you see that they have the same patterns (that you may or may not agreed with or like).

You care for them deeply and don’t really want to loose connection with them, but you also know, the things that both of you had in common, no longer are the same - things have changed.

Or, you might be wanting them to change for their own good and wellbeing. They say they want to, but they don’t.

You might be wondering, “what should I do?”.

First, feel into what is coming up for you.

Process your feelings aloud with yourself or another person you trust. It’s important to acknowledge what has been bubbling inside you for quit some time. It’s normal to experience the stages of grief (bargaining, acceptance, anger, sadness, denial). Release the judgement and meaning, and just softly feel into it.

Second, can you accept them for who they are and their own capacity?

I’ve talked about this before, that each person has their own world (beliefs, values, culture, skills, etc.), and in that world it holds its own capacity. Each person has a different capacity for tolerance and growth, that is very different from you. Accepting where you and they are is important first step.

Third, do you still want to invest energy in this relationship?

Knowing that they have a pattern that they are not changing (perhaps at the speed you like them to), are you willing to continue to invest energy into this relationship? How much? Or is it time to say goodbye in an honest, loving, and kind way?

Last thoughts

You may want to consider to have an open and honest conversation with them. Some people may not be able to engage in this discussion and that’s okay. Whatever you choose, you want to see if it’s aligned with what you believe in and if this person will continue to add to your life, and you to theirs. You may decide that the frequency and depth of relationship may decrease, and you are okay with that.

I’ve had moments where I chosen to continue relationships that have changed, and others that I’ve had hard conversations of how I’ve been feeling. What I’ve found the best way to relate to this change to feel into the loss. Who knows? Maybe you will reunite in a new and deeper way (that’s happened to me before too).

We are all in this together, and each time, we get better at being human. 

Thank you for reading and your support! Hope you enjoyed this one.

✌️ 🫶 ,

Albania