How To Grow Your Tolerance

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⏲️ 6 min.

How To Grow Your Tolerance

Over the weekend, my neighbors decided to throw a party outside, right next to my backyard. It was not the kind I am used to (the DJ playing banda and reggeton). This one had a stage, lights, drums, a bass, a mic. It started at 8:30 pm - the time I wanted to go to sleep, so I could wake up for a training I had the next day.

The off tune sound of the young guy’s voice and his band amplified and echoed around the neighborhood.

My windows rattled and the pink and purple lights came through my window and I thought “WTF, how am I gonna sleep?”

I was able to come up with a plan and execute - and sleep well - because my tolerance for these types of circumstances has grown (and of course, other for bigger ones as well).

I am here to share with you, how you can start growing your own tolerance with things that may seem out of our control.

Today, I will share:

• The Window Of Tolerance (WOT)

• The cost of having a smaller WOT

• Easy steps to grow your tolerance.

Ready? Let’s dive deep.

Window Of Tolerance

There’s a concept in psychology called The Window of Tolerance, coined by Dr. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA School of Medicine. Simply put: you have a window of what you can tolerate, which allows you to think and feel at the same time, be present with what arises (like the neighborhood party) without going into overwhelm (fight, flight, freeze, shutdown, fawn).

Everyone has their own unique window, tolerance, and what I typically call capacity for what is happening internally in your own mind and body, as well as externally.

We may not always seem to have control of our external world, but we can learn how to influence what we want to feel inside.

The Costs of Having a Smaller Window Of Tolerance

Having a seemingly smaller WOT is when you get triggered quickly and easily, and have a hard time getting out of this state. You may not be aware of this because the strategies you use to cope, allow you to get away from this awareness and discomfort, thus hindering your opportunity to grow your tolerance.

Costs of not growing tolerance can lead to:

• Frequent state of stress.

• Increased inflammation in the body.

• Less oxygen in the body.

• Less immunity leading to more illness and/or disease.

• Less vitality.

• Not being present constant hypervigilance (running thoughts).

• Not getting our of your comfort zone and pursuing your dreams or goals.

• Impacting your relationships.

Growing Your Window Of Tolerance

Growing your WOT means growing your resilience with what life brings to you and learning how to move through it. If you are in a state of stress, you won’t be able to think clearly and take aligned action - like I did in my story.

You are meant to have feelings and still move through it. Both can exist at the same time. I can feel frustration and annoyance of the sounds of the party, be in my body, without going into overwhelming stress and anger.

By being regulated (thinking and feeling at same time), I was able to change my sleeping location to the opposite side of my place, put earplugs and two sound machines on— I could still hear them and the windows rattle, by the way. I used my skills and fell asleep pretty quickly, and woke up fresh to my amazement.

Steps To Grow Your Window Of Tolerance:

1. Create an intentional relationship with your autonomic nervous system: Our nervous systems are always speaking to us, but we need to slow down to hear the whispers through sensations. How does your body say yes and say no?

2. Notice and be with the body saying “yes” and the saying“no”: As you notice when the body answering with sensations of a “yes” or a “no”, can you be with it at least 3 seconds. Each time, see if you can witness it a little longer - that’s how you build tolerance. Sometimes, you will have the body say “I don’t know” (a numb or unclear sensation). Can you be with that too?

3. What supports the body saying yes: Supporting the body will require an action towards where you want to focus on that is pleasant and being in relationship with that which you chose. This could be a thought, a pleasant feeling or sensation, or a material thing, location, person or animal.

4. Keep intention to practice: Keep practicing over and over, until it becomes a habit. That’s how you grow your tolerance and across different situations. Start small and use it when bigger challenging and pleasant experiences happen. Yes, there are people who have a hard time building tolerance for being present with pleasant and positive experiences.

Last thoughts: Knowing that things always change

As with anything in life, things will change. When you notice and are present with your autonomic nervous system, you will notice that it changes its sensations too. The discomfort of what’s activating you, will also change.

The more you are intentional with growing your capacity with the above skills, the more you will move through things with a bit more ease. You will decrease your stress, make decisions quicker to what is in alignment of who you want to be.

We are all in this together, and each time, we get better at being human. 

Hope you enjoyed this.

✌️ 🫶 ,

Albania

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